I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
