so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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