I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
