"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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