i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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