R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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