i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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