I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
