i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
