I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
