I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
