I cannot find my penis.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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