you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
