I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
