i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
