I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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