Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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