If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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