Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
