I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
