i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
