I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
