Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize