Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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