This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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