Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize