my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sext me about skeletons
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
