yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my poor anus
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
