i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
