I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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