Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
third nipple confirmed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
