I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
