Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
