Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
