your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We need a shit load of segways right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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