Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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