Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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