I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
