On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize