I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
