Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
