so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
