im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
