Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
