I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
