Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
