Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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