How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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