I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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