I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
