Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
