I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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