clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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