He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
