Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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