I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
