Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
