we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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