I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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