Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
